Thursday, March 12, 2009

Carmina Burana

Last night, Arielle's high school chorus and orchestra performed Carmina Burana together with the Ithaca College chorus. They did a very impressive job and the soloists from Ithaca were extremely good.

Throughout the performance, I couldn't help but thinking what a wonderful experience it must have been to be on that stage. In high school, I participated in both concert band and chorus. I went to a small midwestern high school that couldn't support a full orchestra, but I was very dedicated to my participation in band and especially enjoyed when we performed "serious" music. I would have loved to have had the opportunity to be in an orchestra, playing the piece we heard last night. It had to be a real thrill. I'm delighted that Arielle had that opportunity.

I'm sad to think how that part of my life has slipped beyond my grasp. I can't tell you how many years have passed since I picked up a flute, yet the soloist last night moved me so that I ached to play like that. I know that if I were to dig it out of the closet, I wouldn't get that beautiful tone and fluid expression out of the instrument. I think I might still be able to squeak out a B flat concert scale. Yeah...that's probably still with me.

I was not raised to pursue visual art. It's ironic that my energies are so intensely directed that way now. I WAS raised with a lot of musical encouragement. I don't have a lot of innate talent...but I loved to practice so I wasn't half bad at the instruments I pursued. But in my adult life, I haven't had (or made time for) making music. At least not much.

After my dad died, I bought a piano. I went back to taking lessons and was getting into practicing again. It was all starting to come back to me. I prefer playing the piano because the music I can make is so much more full than playing the flute alone. Then, when Meg was killed, I just stopped cold. I'd sit down and play a bit and it all just felt wrong. I can't explain it...I felt nothing and too much all at the same time. The piano seemed to call to me, but I couldn't approach it...I just couldn't.

It still feels that way. I see the instrument sitting in my living room and I'm drawn to it but I can't bring myself to put my hands on the keys. I don't know if I'm more afraid of the emotion it will evoke or the fact I KNOW how rusty my skills will be and the frustration and disappointment that will come from that. It's a roadblock I can't seem to break through but after last night, I think I should try. I know it's all part of a bigger issue I'm having with clinging to pain and not allowing myself to feel joy.

But, I've decided that I'm going to call a tuner and get it in shape. It's a step...a tiny one but a step none the less. Then we'll see where it goes from there. I'm not destined to have the experience of playing as part of an orchestra, but after last night I realize that I need to try let musical expression back into my life.


Lisa :-] said...

Carmina Burana! Quite an undertaking for a high school chorus. I would have enjoyed the heck out of that!

I would have given my right arm, when I was young, to have been able to take piano lessons. I ALWAYS wanted to learn piano; but our family was not "rich" enough to afford a piano...or so I was told. The fact was that music was though of as a luxury in our home, rather than an essential.

I have always loved music. Love to sing, played the guitar for awhile. But now, I just have a jillion cd's...

IndigoSunMoon said...

So glad you had a great time! My junior high school had a yearly shin dig that was a HUGE production. You had to audition to be part of "Brody On Stage" and I did and I got in! I was thrilled!
So sad that so many schools are losing their music and art funding. Some of my favorite things about going to school were art and music class. Made going to school not so much of a chore. LOL

Monica said...

What a production for a high school chorus and orchestra to preform. I'd have loved to have been there.

Sadly many schools here are talking about cutting band, chorus and all the "fun" classes. It's a shame they view it as "fun" classes as for many students this is where they find they have a value in life. That music brings joy to others and it's a gift they have and not all have that gift to sing or play an instrument.

That subject will get me on a soap box and I can keep going on that subject. Not only art, but sports are equally important. Football was an important outlet for my son in high school as was the drama department.


Anne said...

I've always felt music frees ones soul. Anne

kath said...

Shakespeare wrote: "If music be the food of love, play on..."

I'm glad the concert sparked something in you to try the piano again. Although I too was never able to take any kind of music Iessons, agree with Anne, it does free your soul.

DB said...

Good for you. Get the piano tuned and then set yourself an easy goal, 2 minutes a day of playing, 5 minutes or more, whatever you are comfortable with. Then if it gets tense, stop and do something else. Come back later. Music soothes and irons things out. I know.


Coy said...

Good for you ... taking that first little step may lead to a full blown journey. I gave my guitar to my daughter over a year ago and quite often the urge to play it overwhelmes me. I keep intending to pick out a new one for myself.
*** Coy ***