12/15/03

A Hole in My Heart
One reason I've decided to start a journal now is because I have recently lost a friend....or someone I thought was a friend. I have confided SO much in this person - and I believed he really appreciated what I said, and appreciated me. I certainly cared (and still do care) about him. Yes - this is one of those internet relationships that I warn my kids about. It came at a time when I was very vulnerable to a friendly ear. We started out with lively email banter, and led to talking about our lives - both the wonderful and the mundane. He was very candid with me - his life was pretty near shambles and I tried to support him
But what's so difficult now is this. Over the past few weeks, his life has been crumbling. Everything is going wrong. He is overwhelmed, hurt, rejected. He became more distant - but still encouraged my emails. He excused himself from responding by saying he was just too overwhelmed. But now somehow - I've become part of the problem. It's such a disappointment, because I was only trying to be the best friend that I could be. He has deleted the screen name I write to (however I'm aware of others). I have treasured the friendship and now it seems to have dissolved. I don't know what I did - or could have done differently. I know it's his loss. But why do I feel like it's mine.
Written by sunflowerkat321

This entry has 2 comments:
When people are depressed, they tend to push people away. This isn't always easy in real life, but it's as simple as deleting a screen name online. It sounds as if you've done all you can. You offered your friendship Just be sure now not to allow this person to become an emotional vampire - to suck you dry emotionally. :(Comment from slowmotionlife - 12/16/03 2:54 PM

It's tough when someone shuts you out and you don't know the reason why. But it seems as if you tried to talk to him and he wasn't nterested in communicating further, for whatever reason. For your own sanity and sense of well being, you have to accept this and move on with your life. You cannot save anyone but yourself. ;-)Comment from andreakingme - 12/15/03 8:27 PM